In high school art class, we had this really cool project called the stream of consciousness. You basically drew a ton of different little pictures that represented what you were thinking on a long piece of cardstock and you didn't have to have rhyme or reason to how it fit together. Being a wedding planner for over 10 years, I pride myself on keeping things as organized as possible. However, this post will not be that. I just have so many thoughts running through my head that I want to get down, and the best way to jumble them all together is to relate to the stream of consciousness idea.
I was born to be Sadie's mom. That little girl and I are so in sync with each other it's crazy. I have never truly, naturally and 100% enjoyed anything more in my life than just taking care of her, being her mom and loving her. I have a list of sappy songs I sometimes listen to and get teary-eyed just thinking about how much I love her and want the best for her (for the record, some of them are "Home" by Phillip Phillips, "Forever Young" by Rod Stewart and "You'll be in my Heart" by Phil Collins). I feel that my combination of personal experiences that has shaped who I am up to this point has prepared me to be the mom of a little girl born with a physical difference who needs someone strong to help her through it. I also feel that who Jimmy and I are, and some of the ways we as a couple view the world and make decisions coordinate well with this situation too. We won't just get through it, we will build character from the experience and gain something from it, and I don't just mean gaining a few inches on Sadie's right leg.
I want the best for her. If a genie appeared in my house one day and gave me one wish - any wish at all - it would be to
fix Sadie's legs. It would
not be to turn back time and have Sadie born with two equal legs. If that happened, it would not be Sadie. She is such a special little girl and the fact that her right leg is shorter than her left makes her that much MORE special. It's who she is, and I love who she is so much. She is such a little ham, she's so happy, such a bright light. She radiates from within and everyone who has met her has said something to that effect. She *sparkles*. I am not sure if many people can truly understand what I'm saying here, but when I am walking around in public with Sadie and she's doing her toddler walk with her leg brace and what looks like 2 feet on her right leg into the library, or in the mall, or at Gymboree, I actually feel lucky that I am her mom. People look at us all the time. I'm sure it's because she has this leg brace on and they wonder what happened. Some people ask and I tell them. Most people are polite about it. I actually appreciate it if people ask rather than just stare or give a critical/ignorant look. I think it's best to be open about the situation because we are not ashamed of it and we are happy to talk about it. We are so lucky that everything is going to turn out okay but even if she was not having surgery I would feel the same. I just feel so blessed that this baby was born, just possibly needing a little more in life from someone close to take care of her and get her through these huge things that most kids don't have to deal with, to me and Jimmy. I feel that our house was full of love and laughter before she was born- but Sadie, her heart, her laughter, her smile, her beauty, her intelligence, and her 2 unequal legs, fill our house with more love and support for one another than we could have ever planned for ourselves. Everyone should be so lucky to have a jumbled variety of experiences fill their heart with so much love.
